No words can describe how much i'm in love with him.
I'm totally in loved with someone who is so F-ing demanding and unreasonable.
I used to think we just need each other companion cause we are lonely and needed someone,
And never do i expect myself to be with with this type of guys,
But now it's a complete change.
I actually can tolerate him and not throwing up temper.
What had he done to me!
I'm loving this guy so god damn much,
Well, maybe 99%? haha.
 Probably he's the first person i loved before,
Even though he hurt me before but now he's back i can't resist the fact that i loved and love him

But in return,
I'm well love by him too.
Except that he's unreasonable at times and so f-ing demanding,
but i love it! This sound crazy but i enjoy it even thought some time i really got stressed up by him.
But there are still room for improvement haha.
I have high expectation but it's negotiable.  

I knw i've got a very bad past.
But those are the things that made me who i am today.
I always believe if the person truely loves you,
no matter what shitty past you've had they will just get over it
cos they love you for who you are NOW not the PAST.
But well, the person you love may not love you that much too.

slept at 5am and woke up at 12:30pm for work today.
Whole mind filled was with him.
What he said to me, it was really hurtful and i donno what the fuck was i even thinking,
i can still talked to him
if i really fucking could i wont let those stuff happen to me dudeThose past kept haunting me and no one knows how bad it feels.

My back hurts like mad.
the spine area not sure why is it like this but i'm worried.
am i gonna be paralys?
sooooo sleepy yet need to wake up at 4 plus tml for attachment.

I may look unaffected but seriously i'm bloody hell affected by it.
i should have know from the
start this was going to happened.
shouldn't even have high hopes
should keep telling myself he's playing with me.
nothing he said means anything.
And i meant nth to him at all.....
BUT i kept falling into the trap
falling deeper and deeper
i love him.

yes i do,
and i'm feeling so guilty from it.
he's going to lie to me
he will................

Last day of work at Takashimaya today
gonna miss working here
BUT! i'm going Sengkang to work the next month!
so near home~

attachment starting again tml for straight 5 weeks!
i don't wanna gooooooooo i still have yet enjoy my holidays:(
NOT FAIR!
hope it will be a good attachment for me
gonna start taking case to do wooo nervous.
why two of them have the exact same birthday
no money get present for the two if them though pay's coming only after their bd.

I really enjoyed the companion by him
It was really great, i didn't knw i could feel so happy
but it's not gonna last i knw.
even thought i really hope it will.
he was the one i loved so much.

Alright going to continue fold my tissues
and help tat idiot to do some research for his work.
tudus~

Working again as usual...
Had the chance to meet Gang Yi on friday!
its been months since i last saw him, boy i miss him haha

Went for SIA interview yesterday,
there were like sooooooooo many people trying it out.
qi and me reached there ard 10am and the resgistration was closed
and open at 1pm we were like wtf u need 3 hours for lunch?
went over to orchard to have our brunch
and its our turn for the interview!
i was so nervous i can feel my heart pumping damn fast.
and i got in! yay! but i was told to come back again during dec/jan cos it's kinda early for me as i have yet graduate so no point~

Been hanging out with 'him' these few weeks
i liked it:) but still its never gonna work out.
i like just being by his side, holding his hands and getting hugged by him.
But i'm scared at the same time
i scared everything will stop suddenly like we used to.
well, i believe that will happen cos karma's waiting on me.
i cant deny the fact that i love him.
and i have to consistantly remind myself to control and stop going deeper.

untitled

well, broke out the news to him ytr
saying that we should end this r/s after trying so hard for so long.
YES, we love each other but we just don't click nor match.
we are going to suffer in the long run so what for?
i keep changing myself just to make him happy i feel so tired from it already.
i rather we stay as good friends and understand each other even more first.
thn we can decide if we still wanna get back tgt.
Its the best for us but i doubt he thinks that way.
i know its a sudden thing to him and i expected him to accept it without giving him a chance to talk
so i decided to let him talk to me ltr.

set aside sad stuff,
i'm going for SIA interview this coming sat.
well, i hope i can get in, in the first try out and them allowing me to defer until next year March.
this would be perfect! but the possibility of it is kinda low i guess.
if that happened it would be like a miracle~
i'm feeling so nervous now thinking of what should i wear its a big headache already.

I've met people i really wanna be with but
those are the people whom makes me feel insecure.
oh well, life is unfair as usual.
nothing and no one is perfect.
i rather enjoy the moment i have now than never had it before.
I'm contented the way it is:)

Cried so much ytr, and no one is around for me.
I guess when you said the word 'no point' it really breaks my heart and i broke down even more.
Kind of regretting crying so much, my eyes hurts so much today morning and worst of all swell like F.
Put plenty of make up to cover it, but my eyes dries up super easily and end up tearing.
FML....

Kept thinking this is my karma, but wtf seriously there's a problem between us already.
We just could'nt communicate at all, everytime we talk about stuff it will always end up in an arguement or 'ok lets not talk about it'.
So what can i do?? should i continue with this or let it go? it's so hard to decide after all we've been together for 2 years plus my longest relationship.
I feel so God damn bloody lost.
Everyone can only tell me 'cheer up everything's gonna be fine', 'you guys will be fine after u cool down'.
Saying is definately easier thn doing it. well, you guys doesn't understand me well enough.

If he doesn't love me anymore, thn i'm gonna get out of this r/s and have nth to do with it anymore.

Well, shall get some nice food to eat ltr.. pasta? fried carrot cake? argg so much things i wanna eat. Can't make up my mind. haha i'm sooooo looking forward to lunch break!!!! i'm famish! and after work will be meeting pudding to get his bag and get koi i guess? hahahaha!

well well well,
My blog is dead for such a long time.
This semster was horrible, classmates sabotaging each other like nobody's business.
Exams coming, right after my birthday how nice is that?

I've come to a point that nothing matters most than to be happy.
i shall nv spare time for people who are not worth my time at all, whom won't even spare time for me when i needed them.

Attachment's starting soon, i wanna go KTPH for my prcp:( but i guess its not gonna work.
Just got my phone bling up! look freaking awesome max. love my phone even more now~

hello world~~
or maybe hello to me~
in a few more days.. or maybe weeks it'll be my bf bd<3
well wat did i got for him..
a SONY MP3, Dr Dre ear piece the mee pok one and a big card!!:)
hope he will like it..

exams result's out! i'm happy tat i passed everything but with quite low grades:(
currently my GPA is 2.31~
still rmb my first sem it was only like 1.8?
bf still complain i'm still doing badly:(

i donno why at some point of time i will miss you.
i really do.
sometime so bad i feel like crying.
i should look forward not back to the past but i really miss those times.
how selfish can i be huh?
fuck myself big time.

i'm so sick and tired of going attachment.
seriously sucks max.
i'm falling sick everytime i arrive to the ward.
all the germs, bacteria, virus are so EVIL!
they attacked me and make me feel super weak.

my birthday is coming soon~
which means i'm getting older!!!!!
20! OMFG the number 2 is here to huant me alrdy.
bf got his thumb cut by his swift knife it bled a lot too he said.
and he told me it was all because of my bd prezzie.
made me feel super guilty tht i don wan my present anymore:(
but at the same time excited bout wat he did for me.
this will be the 2nd yr i'm celebrating my bf with him<3
my longest ever loved bf<3

Quek LIN LIN i will nv ever treat u as my friend anymore.
if i could make anyone dissappear you would be one of them.
Fuck your brain and everything.

hello world~

ZOMG!! i'm having attachment tml!!
i'm so not ready for it!!
pls be a good one!!!
ahhhhhhhhhh save me from this misery~

was working today thn suddenly they played this 'lucas' song
i was like -.- got this kind of songs?
hahahahhaha! it was like lucas here lucas there-.-

gonna have supper ltr with bestie~
my beloved bf is bringing to go shopping for my bd gift.
wat should i get? hmmm...........

yes i miss u.
but u don't, wish i knw wat u're thinking~
wish you could talk to me for god sake.

working as usual~
i'm oh so tired~ and attachment is arriving soon!
i'm so not excited for it.

i'm staring at the computer screen since 11am.
with no customer and nth to do.
holy shit! this is bad!
while i was staring into the space,
many things was running thru my mind.
i rmb i had a dream about him.
i forgot wat was it about.
FMB seriously. but they say if u don rmb it, it'll come thru.
hope it really does come thru.

hey love,
i miss u like suddenly.
wish u're with me now.

wtf sprained my neck and shoulder.
fucking pain.
I NEED A FREAKING CHINESE SENSEI NOW!!!!
at my hs!

still have to work full shift today.......................

i wanna go home with my oolong milk tea and pearl
thn watch my HK drama and chill only!

i had a new friend who is such a nice person.
like seriously nice.
i hope he's really nice and not have any motive.
if not it will be kinda sad.....

life is so boring these few days.
same old routine everyday.
i'm so tired of my life.
i didnt have enough rest for myself at all.
everyday school, work, bf, friends.
all have to plan it out so tat i can have time for all:(
nobody knows i'm so fucking tired.
at home i have to act as if i'm not tired if not they would nag at me.

well, change of topic.
i'm so freaking addicted to SALMON SASHIMI!!!
ok its all becos of JASMINE!!!><
she made me fall in love with it. haha and i don blame her at all.
oh!! and i'm addicted to 'nobody's perfect'
sucha nice song<3
i love this phrase from the song
'don't tell me you cant forgive me, cos no one's perfect'
this if for you Lucas Ong Ming Hong whom stilll cant forgive me after like 3 yrs ++ u're sucha LOSER!it has been a month.
you're still the same.
i'll nv knw wat's in ur mind.
i wish you two happiness.
even though i felt sorry for her for wat you've done
you'll always be in my memory<3

yes finally i get to buy my PAUL FRANK laptop bag!! yayness ttm!!
my sis sponser me $50.
so i just need to top up $10!
omg super excited to go and get it.
like tml? ahhahaha!

pass my lab exam.
was quite disappointed with myself
i could have did it better....
i miss my bf so much.
so much that i actually feel like staying with him.
but well i knw i cant.
wish school faster end faster wok earn fucking hell lots of money.
get maried and continue with my life.

i'm getting used to life without you anymore B.
well i do miss u sometime.
but its over. its a pity we end it that way.
with you misunderstanding me tat i was jealous.
well at first i was but after awhile it wasnt jealousy.
it was because i didnt like it when u lie to me.

tat text actually made me cried.

WTF?

and i had to fake it tat i don actually care.

when i fucking hell got bothered by it a lot.

you just didnt knw how much it hurts me.

now i just wanna fucking hell get u outta of my life.

i always wish you're mine too.

i wish so many ppl was mine.

actually only 3.

but i only can hve one.

tats why life's fair.

can the world like end now?

PLS!

yeah working my ass off again just for my braces.
but kinda worth it just to see my teeth beautiful<3
but i'm so tired of working alrdy:(
and school too.
tonight have to chiong my project again.
so no mood for it sia.

feel like swimming.
like suddenly. wat a random mood i've got.
i'm feeling so fucked up.
so stress up! i really feel like crying my hearts, mind out.
i think i cant tolerate it anymore.
so many things to care about.
money, work, friends, family, r/s, etc etc.....
its just too much for my brain to take it too.
i wanna club! anyone?:)


sometimes i wonder who am i to u?
i wish u could just look at me differently.
yeah i'm just asking a little too much huh?
the guilt is killing me but i kinda love it at the same time.
i'm just weird huh huh huh?

argggg working again!!><
i so don wanna work can i'm like suppose to meet gangyi today!!
he's back from beijing! and we planned this like last week!
well he's at fault for not calling his mom when he reached.
now she's angry with him.

school sucks as usual.
i really hate school like much.
people there sometimes makes it even worst.
i wish i would graduate ASAP!
i hope i can make it thru this yr.
really hope so*cross my fingers*


i know i don mean a thing to u.
but i secretly wish i am.
i never tot we would ever have the chance to contact each other again.
and now things are different.
i wish i'm someone u would find when u're not happy.
just someone tat has a little space in ur heart and mind.
a little will do...............

working now which explains why i'm blogging....
school sucks man.
almost everyday 8AM wth is wrong with them.
i seriously don mind starting school late and end late.
at least i'm having enough slp:)

i'm feeling super duper tired.
i'm so sick and tired of school.
i wanna slp wanna rest.
but during of off time i need to accompany my bf
which lead to waking up early to find him.
ok i shall stop complaining.
its so irritating><

u're my temporary crush baby.
its just temporary.
but i wish no one can have u at the same time.
and u not falling in love with another person.
pls don be in love with someone else will u?

HO HO HO!!
guess wat?
I RAN FINISHED 5 FREAKING KM!!
haha yes i manange to finish it!!
OMFG i donno how i manage to do tat but i did.
i seriously wanted to give up half way its like no ending.
by the time i reach 1K its like i ran for 76482761KM alrdy hahaha.
i think it was the 100plus tat keeps me going. haha

it was fun seriously.
after run there was foot massage?
like cool right? yeah i knw.
and thropy which i paid $20 for.
and flower~
my dearest bf waited for me to run finish.
well, he was surrounded by girls smelly ones.
i think tats the reason why he wanted to accompany me.
yeah to be surrounded by girls-.-

haha ok i'm done with this post.
i doubt there's anyone reading this too.
bye~

my blog is half dead half alive i must say. this week was kind of OMG. yeap its like the EX WEEK. suddenly they come back one by one. it was kind of scary at first but come to think of it it only happens once in a while yeah. i'm going for Nike Goddess 5K run! with JASMINE! my attachment buddy. kind of excited as its my first time. BF say i confirm cannot make it after 1K-.- so sad looked down on me I'M GONNA PROVE YOU WRONG BABY! i'm gonna be stuck at people's park. hope sales will be good for me yeah. 15 more mins to go home!! yeahness!! and i'm off tml and sun~ shall enjoy myself before the 5 days FULL SHIFT week comes-.-

RESULTS!

i saw this unknown number texted me
when i open the text.....................................................
...............................................................................
...................................................................................
it came out with all my results! without any warning.
FML-.-
well i saw As Bs Cs Ds and a F! yes a freakin F tat spoils everything!
and its BIO! fuck it!
yes i know i was expecting to fail it,
but i do have a tiny winy little hopes of passing it.
why cant they give me a freaking D! and make it look nicer.
and now i have to go for remedial and a retest.
so waste of time lor><

enough of whinning, i'm quite, ok i'm extremly happy with my result other thn the F.
i got 4 As! 2 Bs 1 C 1 D..
ok i'm not boasting bout how well i did.
i'm just happy you knw.
my previous result was like shit! yes thats the only word i can use to represent it.
it was filled with Cs and Ds. and my GPA was oly 1.5
everyone! YES EVERYONE i my class did even better thn me!
this time my GPA RISES! to 2.1!! yayness!!
even tot its still like shit but it improved!
I LOVE MYSELF!:)<3>

monday is my restest PLS! may all the God Goddess Jesus! pls be with me!!
at least let me get a D! i'll be so contented yeah?

ARGGGGGG!!!!
FML FML FML FML FML!

first i sounded like a freaking tyranny.
next my voice starts to go off
and lastly its gone!
seriously FML!

and my dearest bf is enjoying himself eating nice food with his friend.
and i'm here working with no voice.
PISSED OFF PISSED OFF PISSED OFF!
all i wanted was him to care for me
and accompany me while i'm feeling SO FUCKING TERRIBLE!
YES MY MOOD IS FUCKING BAD!

WELL GUESS WHAT MY SILLY BOY GOT FOR ME FOR CHRISTMAS!

A CAMERA!
hahaha i was shocked stunned suprised and watever u can think of.
its the happiest day of my LIFE~~~~~
can you feel my 'xing fu-ness'??
hahahaa!!

well he wrapped it up as if it like nth inside.
so i asked if if i could dropped it.
he said my heart will ache when i opened it if i drop it.
so yah i decided not to risk it.
it was kind of heavy you knw~

alright i'm out of words shall upload the photos of it soon~~

i was told tat thadd got into an accident.
i hope he's fine now.

well well today i'm on morning shift!
went ard metro to kind of 'shop' ard.
saw levis belt and my colleague can get discont for me!!
got the 'feel' of getting for hun and me:D
but after buying hun's x'mas prezzie i'm broke!

there's this auntie she's crazy! seriously!
she took the same stop of lrt as me.
she die die also wanna stand at the door extrance.
there're ppl trying to like squeeze in but she don even care/bother to move at all.
when we reach our stop she just chiong down like 'siao char bor'
thn she scared ppl will walk faster thn her so she open out her arms while walking down the escalator-.-
when i reach sk i tot the door would open at the same place so i stood at the door like a idot-.-
but it was the other side tat open FML-.-
and ppl are being sooo 'gracious' all crowd at the door.
so i just said 'WTF is wrong with you guys' and walk away!

HUNNY HUN IS GOING TO BE BACK TML!!:D
ok... wat should we eat tml..........
chinese? western? idian? malay? japanese? korean?
arggg... think about cleaning my teeth makes me lose all my appitiete-.-

ah ha! christmas is gonna be here soon!!
in like 3 more days time?
cant wait for hunny hun to book out seriously!!
haven been spending time with him
and he's making a BIGGG fuss outta it><

went to upper thomson with gail, ivon and huiqi for supper ytr.
was suppose to have western at flaming grill but they close down.
so settle at this chinese restaurant.
the food wasn't tat bad but dislike mine><
reach home at 12am sharp! luckily my sis slept if not i'll get hell from her.

i'm working my brain out to earn money for my bracy~
and i need to start studying soon i'm so 'serious' but it-.-
still gt 1 and a half more hours and i'm off from work
hungry like wat like tat.

my teeth are like my precious babies now.
i literally spend 15 mins every morning and night to clean them.
and after meals clean them too just so tat they wont turn yellowish*ewww*

tata for now~

fucked up people fucked up world!!

i'm so disappointed with myself.
i thought i could at least get a C.
I DID FUCKING HELL STUDIED KAY!
FML!
totally no mood to talk to anyone.
yah i know you guys only like studied a few days before the paper or maybe only one day.
seriously i thought maybe i was wrong to judge my classmate.
but they just keep proving me wrong.
know how to do thn say knw how to do!
don finish paper tell me 'wah lao so difficult i donno how to do lor'
and end up getting not so bad grades.
i will do the same now kay.
everything also say donno.
everything also say so difficult.

fuck the world!

working~

been working for 2 days full. tiring ttm
bf was so nice to accompany me for lunch during my break time.
i love you so much baybee<3

i'm having my exams next week
and i'm still enjoying my life as if its holidays.
holy shit! hahahhaa!
so don have the 'feel' to study sia><
FML~

work is so boring~
no customer today!
pls let me open one more bill pls!!!
the brand beside me the promoter are all so wierd!
like seriously.
the previous one kept on showing long faces
like as if ppl owe her millions and billion of dollar-.-
now the new one not too bad.
but fake u knw fake?
she's only 16 and she talk to me stuff like clubbing and more.
thn i told her my opinion thn she will be like suddenly change all her words and opinion to mine.
like WTF? and she ya ya ya ya ya.
YA my ass man seriously-.-

baybee's coming back tml!! yayness!!

finish school so early today!

2pm.. sometimes i wonder..

wat kind of classmates i have.

but watever it is i shall be on the neutral side.

my show's taking such a long time to load wtf-.-

i got myself a big tube of ben and jerry today for FREE!!~

happy ttm seriously!

look at my happy ttm face! hahaha!

this is my dear lin lin<3

i promise i will treat him like my one and only if i was given a chance.

but too bad i don't have it anymore.

so i'm gonna cherish the one who is with me now.

even tot its a totally diff person but

i rather cherish someone who is with me now thn someone from the past anymore.

i'll be as 'xin fu' as possible:)

I'm back

suddenly got the urge to blog.

which i don't know why.

got my braces done which i waited for yearsssssssss.........

i'm so stress up with school seriously.

i start to ask myself is nursing really my passion?

but what i got got back was YES!

well, which course is not stressful right.

so shall get over it thn and i believe i can do it too!

bf is on field camp:(

miss him so much....

my mind is filled with plenty of stuff.

why does the scene of me hurting him keep appearing in my mind.

i felt guilty whenever i think bout it.

i just cant help it.

its been 3 years but it nv left my mind.

its like it happened only yesterday.

seriously FML!

i wish we could still be friends and you would talk to me again.

tat would make me feel hell lot better thn now.

i have a sudden urge for blogging.

hello everybody~

i've been busy working for past few months.

yes i passed my O lvls this time and i got into NYP:)

well lets start bout wat i did today thn.

today is my off day:)

slept till like shiok.

watch some shows and finally onlined.

meet up with terence and yi sheng to catch things up.

second round with navin to catch things up.

all the way till 11.40pm.

tml again with jason issac and navin.

and while i was reading my past posts

i saw something i wrote.

something bout i shall catch up with love after my exams.

yupp i catch up with it already:)

just waiting for tat someone to make the move.

been waiting for quite sometime already.

i'm getting a little impatient.........

i'm lazy and busy to upload those outdated photos.
o lvl's coming:(
mugging all the way.
wondering why i blog today?
cos.

today is a special day,
today was the day.
well, it was special to me 2 years back.
and i'll never forget what happened.
though the times we spend was short.
but it cant be forgotten.
no matter how hard i tried.
so i decided to do one last thing before i let go of you.
one thing tat i had always wanted to say to you.
but you did'nt let me to.
i'm so gonna fulfill this myself!

went thru my old prepaid card saved msg.
and saw one long msg you msg me.
seriously how i wish!
i could replied you YES I WANT!
but its too late.
tat was 1 year ++ ago.

it has been a long time since i last blogged:)

well, plenty of pictures to be upload.
i promise to upload on my next post:)

my mind's kind of in a mess now.
i've just got myself in a huge mess.
and i do not know what to do now.
i don like the way it is now.
one mistake can change everything.
totally agreed to it.
i'm having a tongue tied.
haas. cos the song tongue tied expressed myself clearly:)

ok.
i still got A LOT! of photos to upload.
but i'm tired.
so i shall upload it another day:)
still got 2 more days of pics to go.
gosh!

pics other day.
talking today thn.
well,
i enjoyed myself
except for those bloody hell flies!
seriously irritated me and annoyed me!

guess what.
i do have friends in my homeland,
haas. they all came to find me
and tell me stories about them.
to give me memories flash back.
well,
blame it on my brain i cant remember all of them except a few.
and
i actually have friend who is a lawyer soon after he graduate from university.
haas. and one going to be a businessman.
another one working in the government.
haas.they are only 1 or 2 years older thn me.
gosh, and where am i?
i'm still in secondary 5!
this is embarrasing!

second day:)
swapped place.
went over to my brother's car.
and off to my home:)

first night was just a mini buffet.
many ppl came.
sing sang sung.
and took plenty of pics..




my bro's daughter.
my bro drive carefully. haas!

its raining its pouring:(

alright camwhore time:)

reached home!



my 4th sister daughter.

i bet you guys never seen so much flies in ur entire life!
my mom put 10 over pieces of this sticky paper.

and all of them is filled with this!
HORRIBLE!

4th sister:)

1st sister daughter.

2nd bro-in-law and daughter.

filled with my daddy's friends and relatives.

mummy:)
mummy and 6th sis.

my house unit number:)

2nd sis.

6th bro-in-law smoking.

his car:)

damn cool can.

must press this button and step the gear to start car:)

my bro:), his best friend and my cousin.

they grow up tgt.

haas. look at my 6th uncle.

enjoying himself.

haas.
pictures on the day to malaysia.
first trip.
malacca. my 6th bro in law's house to stay overnight.




look at my maid.

time to sleep.

i've got my new specs:)
love it love it:)
waiting for ray to get his:)
thanks to grace:)
for the companied:)

love her to bits:)